BACK OF THE VHS BLURB:
In a quaint Greek village, young archaeologists come looking for a good time and good finds at the local ruins, all against the warnings of an Irish priest. After a poor planned trip and the accidental discovery of a local cult hangout, some of these young guns go missing. Its up to the Irish priest, a blonde, and an aging yet sexually active private investigator to pry open the whole town's cult activity as they plan sacrifices using the dullest sacrificial blade of all time.
So...WTF did I just watch?
MOVIE: Land Of The Minotaur (aka The Devils Men)
DIRECTOR: Kostas Karagiannis
CAST: Donald Pleasence, Peter Cushing, Luan Peters
So just starting off with the fact that both Donald Pleasance and Peter Cushing are the leads in this movie makes it a must watch regardless of plot, but lets get into the Land Of The Minotaur (statue).
This Greek village is the home to many things including Irish priest Father Roche, played by Pleasance. A bunch of young archaeologists come by and chat with the old man, talking about checking out the local ruins. Father Roche tells them not to, but who listens to old Father Roche anyways right? Not only do they not heed his warnings, but they make a fatal error. They arrive at the ruins, two of the guys manage to get into a secret door, and they realize they forgot to bring sandwiches. Classic horror movie mistake. They send the young lady explorer with them back to town to get some snacks, and that's when we are introduced to the big man on campus, Baron Corofax, played by Peter Cushing.
Back at the ruins, the boys keep wandering around until they hit the center of a temple with a giant Minotaur statue in it. This statue repeatedly talks to the viewer during the movie about how shitty it is to trespass in a Minotaur temple, so I feel we build a nice relationship with this statue that never becomes an actual Minotaur. The boys get snatched up by the cult, as does sandwich lady.
Father Roche discovers their disappearance, and calls in a former pupil, Laurie Gordon, played by Luan Peters. He also calls in friend and private investigator Milo Kaye, even though he interrupts sexy time with Kaye and a lady friend, Kaye flies out to help.
Through their attempt to question and investigate the town, it turns out the whole damn town is the cult. Why Father Roche has been living in an entire town of cultists is never answered, nor how he dealt with empty Sunday masses every week. Witnesses willing to speak are found with slit throats, and the town just keeps going about its business, laughing in the face of Father Roche and his brigade. Very strong Wicker Man vibes throughout.
Eventually, due to just basically getting distracted, Laurie is abducted as well and set to be a sacrifice. After using the DULLEST SACRIFICIAL BLADE EVER on two of the three amigos caught at the start of the film, they needed some symmetry so the cult had to get another blonde. Laurie fit that profile. Roche and Milo try to attack the cultists, but find that they are immortal. That's right, immortal. Dude takes a full speed van to the face and laughs it off. Luckily, Roche has a plan.
As we head toward the thrilling finale, shit gets real. Father Roche is done messing around. He gets his fanciest crucifix polished up and super anointed, and gets his most explosive, hollow point holy water ready. The final assault on the Minotaur's temple is something to behold.
Milo distracts the cult by busting in and brandishing a gun, which just confuses the cult members, distracting them from Father Roche coming in from a window. The cult members, including Baron Corofax, are dressed in their finest regalia and try to stop the attack. Roche whips out his souped up crucifix and it staggers and disorients the Baron, long enough for that hollow point holy water to hit the Minotaur statue. It fucking explodes. From the holy water, it just explodes into shards of Minotaur. That, in turn, makes all the adult cult members also fucking explode. Its such a brutal sequence, flashing between exploding cultists and Donald Pleaence's eyes. Its entrancing, really.
So after making orphans of the entire town and saving Laurie and the other random dude from the start, the movie ends. Yeah, that's it, all is good. Whole town of orphans, the end. What a fitting end to a B-MOVIE BLOCKBUSTER.